


Three Times They Regretted Their Immortality and One Time They Realized the Benefits

by ughdotcom



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, By Happy I Mean Hopeful, Depression, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Getting Together, Hopeful Ending, Immortality, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Other, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: 1 - He can't watch them grow old without him2 - He can't live forever and see her die3 - She can't live without them
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler, The Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Three Times They Regretted Their Immortality and One Time They Realized the Benefits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [casual_mythologist_3791](https://archiveofourown.org/users/casual_mythologist_3791/gifts).



1 - The Doctor

The Doctor was functionally immortal. Functionally, because he did change every time he regenerated, and because he could be killed if it was in the middle of regeneration or chose not to regenerate. But immortal all the same.

Normally he valued immortality. He got to travel the stars forever, and what could be better than that? He couldn’t die during his travels, no matter how much danger he was in. He could live thousands of lifetimes, meet anyone he wanted.

He had never regretted it more.

He hadn’t planned to fall in love with Rose and Jack, in fact the word in English was greyromantic, meaning that he didn’t plan to fall in love at all. But there he was, hopelessly in love with his companions.

He was lucky enough to not have them leave him when he regenerated into the new Doctor, but that didn’t mean his immortality wouldn’t affect them.

They would grow old, and he would stay the same. They would die, and he would live. They would be gone forever, and he’d never be able to see them again.

The Doctor didn’t have many fears, didn’t have many things he dreaded. The Daleks, maybe. The Cybermen, perhaps. But this was the first one that wouldn’t kill him. It was the exact opposite, and that was the problem. He couldn’t bear the idea of outliving Rose and Jack, of seeing them get grey and wrinkled as he remained a young man.

The Doctor didn’t cry very often, when you’ve lived for 900 years there isn’t really much point, is there? To cry every time you’re sad? It gets redundant, and you get sad much too often.

The Doctor was crying, sobbing into his pillow. Jack and Rose had gone out on the town, and he had politely refused.

Plus, he didn’t want to interfere with Rose and her friends, who they were going out with. He was sure that they had been corrupted by Jackie, and probably hated him.

He wondered if he could leave them behind. They’d hate him for it, positively despise him, but he could live with that. He didn’t know if he could live with their deaths.

He sat up and wiped the tears off his face and groaned. He paused a few seconds to make sure what he was about to do was healthy coping or completely destructive.

It  _ was _ destructive, but when had that ever stopped him before?

He pushed himself up onto his feet and sauntered over to the control panel. They still had the keys to the TARDIS, but the Doctor trusted them, with his life  _ and _ his TARDIS. He just had to keep the blue box away from them whenever he came to this time period, which should be easy, seeing how he no longer had a reason to.

He moved into the control room, pressing a button and flipping a switch. He pretended to be calm, and cool, and confident as he spun a crank and stepped on a petal, as the engines started whooshing. The TARDIS faded away, spinning into the time vortex, and he fell to his knees and cried.

  
  


2 - Jack Harkness

Jack and Rose were walking back to the TARDIS, when they heard the familiar whooshing of the engines. He tugged her along, and they ran towards the square, but by the time they reached it, the TARDIS was already fading out of view.

“Motherfucker!” he yelled, dropping the bottle they had brought back for the Doctor, even though he wasn’t likely to actually drink it. “Motherfucker.” he said, again, like he needed to restate his point.

“Yep, got it.” Rose said, still staring in shock at the empty spot where the TARDIS had been, a square of no snow slowly getting covered in the soft white powder.

A square of paper was left in the square, scratchy handwriting they recognized as the Doctor’s scrawled on it. Rose lifted it up and held it out so that Jack could see it.

I’m sorry. Go home. Enjoy Christmas. If you’re lucky you’ll never see me again. - Doctor.

A tear fell onto the paper, smudging the still wet ink, and Rose tore it in half angrily.

“Come on.” she said, grabbing onto Jack’s arm. “I guess we’re going home for Christmas. I’ve got some cash, we can hail a cab.”

“You want me with you?” he said in surprise, having not planned for the possibility that Rose could actually want him there without the Doctor there.

“Of course. My Mum… isn’t going to like it, but I really don’t care. He’s a little  _ shit _ who abandoned us because he’s a fucking coward.” she burst into tears, and Jack held her close, hailing a cab.

“Sorry.” he apologized to the driver as he slid into the cab. “Bad breakup, he just up and left with nothing more than a note.”

“You fucking ass.” Rose said into his shoulder. “We weren’t  _ dating _ and it’s not like you didn’t love him to.”

“There there.” Jack patted her shoulder and pulled her as close as was safe in a moving cab, blinking back his own tears.

He had assumed the Doctor wasn’t just going to drop them off in the middle of London. He had assumed the Doctor was going to wait in the TARDIS reading, and then having them flying off when they stepped back in.

Jack knew he was lucky to be allowed on the TARDIS. Immortality didn’t exactly mix with time travel, but somehow he was still allowed there.

Or he thought he was. To him, the cruelest part was kicking Rose out with him. She loved the Doctor, and so did he, but he actually reciprocated her love, unlike Jack’s. He had seen the way he looked at Rose, the soft way the Doctor smiled at her.

He didn’t get those looks from the Doctor, the old one or the new one. Even after the few times they had kissed, the Doctor still only had eyes for Rose.

The worst part was that he was going to outlive Rose. Probably not the Doctor, although this Doctor most likely. But even if he was killed a thousand times, he would still come back to see Rose grow old, grey and wrinkle over time.

He tried to put the idea out of his mind, but as he looked down at Rose, sobbing into his chest, he wondered if it would be so bad to leave her. Spare her the tears as he never aged while she did. Would that be mercy?

Well, he would stay for Christmas dinner, at the very least.

When the cab stopped off at the Powell Estate, he paid the driver, and then gently led Rose to her home, rapping hard on the door, which was opened by an older woman.

“Jackie?” he asked, letting her grab hold of Rose.

“And who might you be?” she asked, glaring at him like he was the one that made Rose cry.

“Captain Jack Harkness at your service.” he said with a salute. “So, may I come in? I’ll explain everything.”

“Are you the reason she’s crying?”

“No.”

“Come in.” She pushed the door open wider, leading Rose to the sitting room. Jack closed the door behind him and followed them.

“Explain.” Jackie demanded, and Jack complied.

“The Doctor abandoned us, about a few miles away. No explanation, just a note.”

“That bastard.” Jackie said.

“For once, I’m inclined to agree. Now, I expected him to kick me off the TARDIS at some point, but never Rose. I’m more upset he would do that to her than the fact I’ve been left behind, I was fully prepared for that to happen.”

“Jack Harkness, how  _ dare _ you assume you wouldn’t be wanted.” Rose said, slapping his arm.

“Thank you, Rose.” he said softly, patting her arm. “You should probably sleep.”

“I don’t wanna.” she protested.

“C’mon, sweetheart.” Jack said, carefully pulling her out of Jackie’s arm, trying not to anger the woman. He lifted Rose into a bridal carry. “Where’s her room?”

Jackie pointed, and he carried her into it, setting her gently on the bed and pulling the sheets over her.

“Sleep well.”

Rose seemed like she wanted to protest, but instead she curled up and clutched the blanket in her fists. “Happy?” she asked.

Jack smiled softly. “Perfectly.” he pressed a kiss to her hair, before slipping out of the room, flipping off the light and closing the door.

“Are you-”

“No.” Jack said, smiling sadly. “I’ve never met anyone more in love with the Doctor, and trust me, I should know. I love her, though, if you want me out for that.”

“No, you seem kind.” Jackie said, starting to make a pot of tea. “Why do you think the Doctor wants you out of the TARDIS? Mickey said that you were nice, and that the Doctor liked you, and when you missed Christmas last year, he seemed sad.”

“I’m not exactly mortal. That’s what I was dealing with last Christmas. I can’t die, and that makes me a fixed point in time, which means I shouldn’t be travelling on the TARDIS, at least without recalibration. The Doctor doesn’t know, but I knew as soon as he did he’d kick me out. I just never expected Rose to come with.”

Jackie handed him tea. “I’m sorry. Will you stay?”

“I don’t want to tempt myself. I can’t stay because I’ll want to stay forever, and I can’t do that to Rose.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Jack smiled a sad smile. “I can find places to stay, night by night till I get some money.”

“Stay safe.” Jackie said, pulling cash out of her wallet and pockets. “There you go, 100 pounds. Use it wisely.”

“Thank you, Jackie.” he smiled and kissed her cheek. “Please. Keep her safe for me.”

3 - Rose

Rose didn’t sleep. Instead she sat up, listening to her mum and Jack talk in the kitchen. And she heard Jack leave. She heard the door close behind him, and Jackie’s sigh.

She felt like everyone would leave her. Was she really that undesirable? Did she repel everyone? What was so wrong with her that no one she loved could stay?

Even he mum didn’t approve of what she wanted, and Mickey and her had never been a good fit, like two puzzle pieces that were cut out just wrong.

At least she had thought she had the Doctor and Jack. And she had neither. She only had herself.

She didn’t want herself.

She wanted the stars, she wanted Jack and the Doctor. She wanted kisses, short and excited from them before they bounded outside, long and passionate after they just survived, short and sweet just because. She wanted soft, unknowing touches. She wanted  _ them _ .

And they left her. Like she was nothing, a rock as a paperweight that you discard as soon as you find a prettier rock.

Was that it? They had found prettier rocks, and went off with them? Were they together, cackling in how the conned Rose? Were they all alone, crying?

Selfishly, she wished they were.

Rose had always had depression. She had pills for it, pills that she still took even on the TARDIS, under the cover of night. It was genetic, her mum and dad also had it. Her pills and clothes were still on the TARDIS she realized.

She was alone, no one wanted her. She would always be second choice, discarded.

She slid open her desk drawer, rummaging through the paper and clutter, until she found what she was looking for. A pocket knife, pink and fitting snugly in the palm of her hand. She flipped it open, the blade still shining and sharp.

She tugged off her jacket, tossing it to the side, not caring where it landed. She stared at her wrists, pale and clear. She pressed the blade down the skin, groaning at the pain.

The blade swiped against the skin, and then the other one, and she stared down at the cuts, salty tears dripping and stinging in them.

Then the skin started mending, glowing golden and stitching together. The blood retracted it’s path, and the skin sealed together like it had never been cut.

“No!” she screamed, cutting again. It happened again. And again the next time. She screamed and hurled the knife at the wall, where it stuck with a thud.

She couldn’t be hurt. She couldn’t die. Who made her like this? She didn’t want to be like this. She wanted to die. She didn’t want to live in a world where the Doctor and Jack weren’t there for her, didn’t love her.

She sobbed into her pillow, holding it close.

Her mobile rang, and she picked it up without thinking.

“Rose!” a shrill voice said.

“Shareen. Hey.” Rose said, rolling onto her back and pretending not to be upset.

“So, we’re down at the pubs, wish you were here, and there’s two separate men at two separate pubs. They’re both absolutely hammered, and they’re both straight up sobbing about losing the loves of their lives. Like loves plural. They both had like two people they were in love with I guess? One is confirming to everyone he makes out with that he’s greyro ace, and the other one is just, well, making out with everyone. It’s kinda scary.”

“And why are you telling me?”

“Oh yeah, your mum said to call her if we saw a skinny dude in a brown pinstripe suit with spiky hair, cause you might be with, and Mr. Greyro fits the description, so we were wondering if you were here.”

Rose bolted straight up into a sitting position. “What does the other look like?”

“Black hair, attractive, military coat.”

“Attractive? Really?”

“I’m not a liar, Rose.”

“Actually, Shareen, I’m in town, I just got back, was waiting till tomorrow to tell you, but this sounds fun, I’d love to join you. Can you try to get them into the same pub?”

“Course! That’s awesome, I’ll tell the girls!”

Rose grabbed her jacket, wiped the smudged mascara off her face and fixed her makeup, and exited her room.

“Going out, Mum! Shareen and the girls invited me out, and what better way to feel better?”

“You better come home in one piece!” Jackie threatened, and Rose grinned.

“Yeah, Mum. I will.”

+1 - Team TARDIS

Rose made it to the pubs without much effort, and she spotted Shareen outside. The girl waved at Rose excitedly, and Rose realised she had missed this. It was almost disappointing that she had ulterior motives.

“Shareen!”

“Rose!” the girls hugged, and Shareen kissed Rose’s cheek. “I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too! I know my companions got tired of hearing about our adventures! Did you get them into the same pub?”

“Keisha is bringing Mr Military Jacket over right now.”

“Have her keep him occupied out here?”

“Of course. Do you know them?”

“Know them? More than that. I’m absolutely fucking pissed at them.” Rose stormed into the pub, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Doctor! Get over here right now!” There was a flash of movement through the crowd, away from her, and Rose darted forward, grabbing the Doctor by his collar and dragging him out into the snow, where Keisha and Shareen were keeping Jack busy by flirting. She stormed up to them, and grabbed Jack also by his collar. She hauled them over to a wall, and shoved them against it.

“Would either of you two assholes care to explain?!” she yelled. “Because you left me, and you’re crying in a pub about losing someone?! Love that look for you, especially you, Doctor! Because unless I’m missing something, you two seem to be the ones who  _ fucking _ left me, and I can’t think about anyone else you could fucking lose, unless you have another fucking family somewhere around here!”

“Rose-” Jack started, but she cut him off.

“Don’t ‘Rose’ me, you bitch! What good reason could you possibly have to leave me?!  _ Now _ you can speak.”

“I didn’t want to see you die.” Jack and the Doctor said at the same time, before looking over at each other.

“Why would you see her die?” the Doctor asked, and Jack once again spoke at the same time.

“It wasn’t because of me.”

“Sorry, am I dying? Because I highly doubt it when my body doesn’t even let me kill myself.”

“You tried to kill youself?!” the Doctor yelled, grabbing for her arms, which Rose jerked away.

“Yeah, that’s not the problem. I’m not dying, so why would you see me die?”

“Because  _ I _ can’t die!” they yelled, once again at the same time. “You what?”

“You know I can’t die!” the Doctor exclaimed. “I just regenerate. You  _ saw _ me regenerate.”

“Yeah, whatever happened to me at the Game Station changed me. I just heal every time and come back to life. Now, Rose, did you say you tried to kill yourself?”

Rose crossed her arms and folded in on herself. “No.” she lied.

The Doctor stepped forwards, reaching out to her, and she stepped back. “Rose, why?” his voice strained with heartbreak, sadness, and guilt.

“Well, I don’t really have a life outside of the TARDIS, do I? I worked in a shop, I didn’t go to university. I’ve always been depressed, and maybe sometimes the people you love abandoning you isn’t that much of an enjoyable experience!”

Rose broke down crying, falling down to her knees in the snow. The Doctor and Jack moved forward to comfort her, but Shareen got there first, wrapping an arm around Rose and glaring at them.

“Haven’t you done enough?” she snarled. “I don’t have a fucking clue what she’s talking about, but it’s obviously your fault. You can sort it out and maybe she’ll forgive you if you apologize, but you don’t get to comfort her and think it’s all forgiven.”

They took a step back. It was obvious that Shareen was like Rose and Jackie - sharp and strong, serious and tough, bark  _ and _ bite.

“Good boys. Go on, figure out what you’re going to say.” Jack and the Doctor darted away, and Shareen pulled Rose into a standing position, leading her into the pub, where they sat down at a corner table. Shareen slid a shot over to Rose. “Drink, and then talk if you want.”

Rose downed the shot and dried her eyes, blinking out the tears. “You aren’t going to believe me.”

“That’s what you said when you came out, and I believed you plenty fine. Come one, even if I don’t, I’ll pretend for you.”

Rose snorted. “Fine. The Doctor, Mr. Thin? He’s an alien. And Jack, Mr. Military? From the future?” she giggled at Shareen’s names for them. “And I’ve been travelling through space and time with them for roughly a year, but it’s been more than a year for you.”

“I was about to ask if you got plastic surgery.” Shareen said with a laugh, obviously confused and disbelieving.

“And then the Doctor just left us. Without a warning. And then Jack left me.” Shareen slid another shot over to Rose, who downed it before continuing. “And that’s what happened.”

“Can’t say it’s easy to believe, but Rose Tyler has never been a liar.” Shareen shook her head. “Got any proof?”

“Okay.” Rose pulled out her phone, flipping it open. “This is your contact.” she pressed the button, but Shareen’s phone didn’t ring.

“Sure it is.” Shareen said, but Rose was already talking on the phone.

“Hey!... Yeah it’s me… Life’s going pretty, well, life like… can’t complain… any progress with Jordan… no! She did? Bitch... Now, I have to go, but remember this for later, I’m going to say a word and you have to tell me it back soon.” Rose whispered into the receiver so that the Shareen by her couldn’t hear. “Now, I need you to promise you’ll act normally when you get your next phone call.”

“Course. Why wouldn’t I?” Shareen’s phone rang, and she answered it. “Rose!... How's life?... and the weather?... so, any gossip… she asked me out, but I found her snogging Harry in a closet...yeah, rude of her…” Shareen closed her phone and turned to face the Rose in front of her. “Pumpkin. You said pumpkin.”

“I did. You need more proof? Might end in an unfortunate run in with the Doctor and Jack, but I can provide it.” Rose pulled out the TARDIS key and wiggled it.

“I’d love to see, as long as it won’t damage you.”

“I think I can handle them. I mean, I need to talk to them eventually, clear up the whole ‘they were protecting me because they’re dumb and selfsacrificing’ thing.”

“Are they always like that?” Shareen asked.

“Idiots? Yeah. On the verge of a mental breakdown about immortality? No.”

“Did you know they were immortal?”

“Well, I knew the Doctor was. Not Jack.”

“I’m still so confused, so I’d love it if I could have more explanation.”

“I helped save the world and the Doctor invited me along, so I joined him. We travel through time and space together. Then we went to World War II, where we met Jack as a conman, and he joined us because he was about to blow up and we saved him. And now we all travel together. Also the Doctor almost died at one point and regenerated and changed into a new face.”

“I don’t like the sound of your life much.”

“It’s quite weird.” Rose agreed, standing up and leading Shareen out of the pub. “Time to check all the alleys for the TARDIS.” she linked her hand with Shareen’s and they walked down the street, sneaking glances into each alleyway. Finally, they saw the blue police box, standing tall and proud in an alley.

Rose dragged Shareen over to the box, and turned the key in the lock, opening it up and pulling Shareen in. The Doctor and Jack, who had been sitting on the seat, stood up, but she waved her hand at them.

“Just showing Shareen the truth. She does deserve it, she’s been my best mate forever. You can apologize if you want.”

“Rose, I’m so sorry.” Jack said. “I shouldn’t have abandoned you, especially not when you were already upset. It was wrong of me, and I’ll never do it again.”

“Thank you, Jack. Doctor?”

“I was being selfish and an ass, and I shouldn’t have abandoned you two.” the Doctor said, forcing out the words.

“Thank you. Now, I don’t accept your apologies yet because I’m still mad. I’m gonna show Shareen around, and grab my antidepressants too.”

“You have antidepressants?” Jack asked.

“I’m good at hiding them.” Rose said, leading Shareen down the halls of the TARDIS to her room. When they reached it, she shuffled through her things, finally pulling out the pill bottle and taking her medication.

“I think I’m going to go accept their apology. I’ll show you out, yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re gonna have to explain a lot more.”

“Yeah.” Rose said, walking Shareen out. “I am.”

When Shareen was out of the TARDIS, Rose closed the door and went to stand in front of Jack and the Doctor.

“I accept your apology.” She said. “I love both of you, romantically, and it was upsetting for me. And you both love me, and each other? Romantically?”

“Yes.” they both said.

“Okay. Great. So, I’m still a bit pissed, and I will be pissed. But do you think that maybe we could all date.”

“I’d like that.” Jack said. “Doctor?”

“I’d like that too.”

“Hey, and maybe it’s good we’re all immortal. I mean, now we’re stuck with each other.” Rose laughed.

“Yeah.” Jack said. “Can I kiss both of you?” Rose leaned forward and kissed him, then the Doctor, who then kissed Jack.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“And I you.”


End file.
